You know that whistling sound a tea kettle makes when it's ready? I'm talking about the old-school tea kettles not the new age shit on a heating pad thing. I don't even know what it's called. I feel so old. Have you ever heard somebody's nose make that sound? I don't mean the full on whistle, but that initial, faint and weak whistle o the teapot. I was sitting in my math class the other day next to a dumb fucker who obviously doesn't know how to blow his nose. Every time he breathed in I heard a faint whistle coming from his nose. I could practically see the boogers solidifying, creating a beautiful, crystalline passageway through his nose hairs. It was disgusting and I spent the entire hour of class sitting there getting more annoyed with each passing breath.
That wasn't about my roommate at all, but it really pissed me off.
This morning I woke up to the sound of lips smacking. It wasn't even one smack. It was multiple series of smacks. It was like 6 smacks per set and 3 sets of smacks. It was 7:15 am and I was snoozing away. But then it was like...
Slurp... Smack... Smack... I can't even reproduce what it sounds like. I think this calls for a picture of smacking lips. In any case, it was pretty gross and it didn't end for about 30 - 45 seconds. This also happens every morning. God... Just think about waking up to the sound of somebody's moist, fat lips smacking together.
On the other hand, look at this cute Asian baby smack his/her lips:
Excellent! I am nominating you for the Pulitzer. They will award it to Le Bucket. You'll see...you'll all see.
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